You know what I hate? People who just do not get it. People who think that all movies have to be taken seriously and must be taken at face value. That is why movies like “Grindhouse” have failed in the past, because people just do not get it. Maybe the concepts were too unusual for the general public to follow. I can only hope that a good old-fashioned action movie will be enough to become a box office success, but if this past weekend’s box office is any indication, America still does not get it.
“Shoot ‘Em Up” is the story of a man named Smith (Clive Owen) who witnesses a pregnant woman being chased by an armed man and goes to save her. He ends up in the middle of a shoot out during which he has to deliver the baby. When the woman is killed, Smith takes the baby to save it from the other gunmen and their boss Hertz (Paul Giamatti). Smith gets Donna Quintano (Monica Bellucci), a “lady of the night,” to help him keep the baby safe. Shoot out after shoot out Smith begins to piece together more about why Hertz wants the baby dead.
As I left the theater after “Shoot ‘Em Up” I heard one man say, “That was the second stupidest movie I have ever seen. It is supposed to be stupid, ripe with clichés and over the top. That is what this man missed. This movie is ridiculous and it knows it. How else do you explain how a bullet hits the hero only once and even then it is a superficial graze? After all the shootouts it is well over an hour into the movie before the hero is injured in any way. Even the circumstances of the various shootouts are out of the ordinary; Smith delivers a baby, has sex and is even skydiving during the multitude of shootouts.
Clive Owen is the man. He makes every movie he is in better and this movie is no exception. Smith is a mystery. We never get to find out anything about him, not even his first name. Hertz hypothesizes about who he thinks Smith is, but he is never give any indication if he is right or not. Owen plays Smith a lot like Dwight from “Sin City,” as a guy who is virtually emotionless. It is obvious he cares for the baby and wants to save him, but he never shows any real emotion. He is angry at the world and it shows. He only begrudgingly helps the pregnant woman and even almost leaves the baby alone when the mother is dead. He is constantly listing his pet peeves and correcting them, mostly with bullets.
He is given some of the best one-liners in the movie. In one car chase scene Smith shoots out his front windshield, unbuckles his seatbelt and crashes into an oncoming van. He flies through the window to the back of the van then he kills the bad guys inside and says, “So much for wearing your seat belt.”
Hertz is the exact opposite of Smith. He always seems to be angry or yelling. He is continually frustrated by Smith’s amazing ability to kill every man sent after him. He becomes obsessed with finding out who Smith is and to make sure he is killed. Hertz is very good at what he does. He can read people and seems to know what Smith is going to do. Of all the abandoned buildings in the city, he is able to pick out the one that Smith lives in.
Seeing “Shoot ‘Em Up” is a movie going experience. It is fun to watch and easy to enjoy. The action scenes are so over the top it is good. Some of the fun elements include the carrots Smith always seems to have on him. A few times it becomes a weapon or used to assist in doing as much damage as possible. In one scene he takes a bite of the carrot and jams the rest in the trigger of a gun and throws it at the bad guys. It is scenes like this that make this movie so much fun. The plot is secondary to the action, but it is done intentionally and makes the movie easy to watch. 
I think that most people are going to see this movie like the man I overheard. It will be bashed because those who see it are going to think like he did. “Shoot ‘Em Up” is satire and nothing more than that. It is not supposed to be taken seriously. You are supposed to laugh at the ridiculousness of it. As a viewer all you are asked to do is sit back and enjoy the wild ride.
8/10
Rated R
87 mins
The end of August is a black hole for movies. The summer movies have all been released and the movies with hopes of Oscar nominations are still a few weeks away. Most of the movies here are forgettable and are released for the sake of being released. It is a horrible time to be a moviegoer.
Bring on “Balls of Fury.” Former child pingpong prodigy Randy Daytona (Dan Fogler) has fallen far since he made a fool of himself at the 1988 Olympics. He is stuck doing variety shows in a Reno restaurant. The FBI asks him to compete in an underground pingpong tournament with the best players in the world being hosted by Feng (Christopher Walken). Feng is a known evildoer (no idea exactly what he does) and the FBI wants to know what Feng is up to. Randy has not competed in many years and is not ready. He goes to see Master Wong (James Hong) and his sexy pingpong playing niece Maggie Wong (Maggie Q) to get him ready to take on the best Feng can throw at him.
“Balls of Fury” is an unfunny version of “Dodgeball.” With the exception of Christopher Walken and two or three lines from Diedrich Bader (of “The Drew Carey Show” fame), there is nothing funny about this movie. It tries so hard to be funny and smart, but just ends up stupid and sad. This is all compounded by the “Matrix-type” camera shots of the pingpong games. The action stops with the ball in mid-air as one player is about to hit the ball and then the camera rotates to the opposing player. Gee, that has not been used in every movie since “The Matrix.” Use all the fancy camera tricks you want, there is no way to make pingpong cinematically interesting.
The main characters are so unfunny and so uninteresting you just cannot care about them. Randy is just another in a long line of fat, stupid slacker types. Maggie Q plays the generic attractive woman who is tougher than the hero and falls in love with him despite the fact that he is a moron. All has been done before and done better.
The only saving grace is Walken. He is funny without even trying to be. He has adapted this strange and quirky persona and run with it in most of the movies he has done. The odd voice fluctuations and emphasis on just about every other work has become synonymous with the name Christopher Walken. I do not even think he was trying to really act in this movie. He kept all the mannerisms that have made him famous and simply put on a costume and waited for the camera to roll.
How many times can Randy get hit in the “family jewels” before it gets old? The answer, in this case, is only once. After that you can tell when it is coming. It gets old really fast and does nothing to make the movie any funnier. Granted, the same was done in “Dodgeball,” but it was a much funnier crutch to lean on and was a part of the plot. In “Balls of Fury” it is just overkill.
This movie is so boring, so unoriginal and so unfunny that it comes off as a pathetic attempt at entertainment. The only thing it does is waste time and makes this review that much harder to write.
5/10
Rated PG-13 for crude and sex-related humor, and for language.
90 mins
“Firefly” was canceled and the story should end there, but it doesn’t. It was because of the tireless efforts of director Joss Whedon and the fans that “Serenity” exists. The movie may not have done as well at the box office as the executives at Universal would have liked, but a special edition DVD is being released today and that may determine if we get our sequal. It is because of this and the fast approaching two-year anniversary that I decided that it was time to review the movie of the greatest television show ever to be canceled.
The crew of Serenity has taken aboard two fugitives, Dr. Simon Tam (Sean Maher) and his sister, River (Summer Glau). Simon broke River out of a government “school” where she was experimented on by scientists. All has gone relativity well for the crew of Serenity. Now the government has sent The Operative (Chiwetel Ejiofor), an assassin, after them. They want River back because of a horrible government secret she might know. The Operative will stop at nothing to bring her back to the Alliance. Captain Mal Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) now must put himself and the rest of his crew in danger to escape the government and their relentless assassin.
Canceled television shows do not get made into movies. It just does not happen and yet, it did. You should all be aware of my love of the show “Firefly,” (if not, click HERE). As with my review of the show, I will say again, that my job as a critic is to put aside my passion for a particular movie and view it with out any bias. That being said…
“Serenity” is the best science fiction movie ever made and it was all done on small budget. The special effects are not in your face and the characters are amazingly developed. The acting is superb and the story is well thought out and developed. Even if one is not a fan of sci-fi movies, chances are you will still like “Serenity.” It is less about the cool spaceships or lasers and more about the characters.
Nathan Fillion reprises his role as Mal and delivers a hero who can be viewed as “morally gray.” Late into the movie, after a settlement where a friend of theirs lived is attacked, Mal sees one of the attackers, whose ship had crashed, making his way out of the wreckage. Mal takes out his pistol and shoots the man dead, no questions asked. He does what he has to do for his crew and has no regrets about it. Fillion can pull off some of the funniest moments of the film as well as the dramatic ones and that is a rare thing to see an actor doing. He has been getting more and more roles in major movies and it is well deserved.
The movie centers on River. In the series she went from a mentally traumatized girl to a mind reading assassin. In the movie we discover more about River than any of the other crew memebers. The reason the government sent The Operative after her is because she knows a secret that could harm their regime. The only problem is River has no idea what it is or even that she knows it. Her mind is restless and the only semblance of calm she gets is from her brother, Simon. Summer Glau had not had any big acting jobs before she got the role of River yet she did an amazing job playing the character. She played her with innocence and vulnerability in the beginning but near the end of the series and especially in the movie she becomes strong and able to return the care she has received. 
The relationship between Simon and River was always my favorite on the show because Simon sacrificed everything, a promising medical career and a whole lot of money, to save his sister. This relationship reaches its climax in the movie. I don’t want to spoil anything so I will just leave you with this line from River. “You take care of me Simon. You’ve always taken care of me. My turn.”
The one actor who seems to be getting the most attention is Chiwetel Ejiofor (pronounced Chew-e-tell Edge-if-or). Every week he seems to be in another movie with a major actor. He has played opposite some of the biggest names in Hollywood. He has played everything from a cop to a drag queen; talk about versatility. In “Serenity” he plays a cold hearted, ruthless assassin. He is so unemotional in everything he does and has no remorse for anything. In one scene he talks about how he is making a better world and Mal asks. “So me and mine have to lay down and die so you can live in your better world?” The Operative responds “I’m not going to live there. There’s no place for me there anymore than there is for you. Malcolm, I’m a monster. What I do is evil. I have no illusions about it, but it must be done.” In that exchange we see who the Operative really is. He knows what he is doing is bad, but he sees it as a necessity to realize a larger goal.
I can still remember the first time I saw this in the theater. When that first shot of the ship, Serenity, came on screen I got goose bumps. It was the greatest feeling I have ever had watching a movie. Here it was the movie that Browncoats had fought for and to finally see it was vindicating. Joss has said that the sales of this DVD will help Universal decide if making a sequel is worth it. I know that my fellow Browncoats around the world and I plan on showing them it is.
9 out of 10
Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense violence and action, and some sexual references.
1 hr 59 mins
Hollywood has had a long tradition of adapting books into movies. Some turn out good, others bad. Some stick to the original work and some stray. What if I were to tell you that I saw a movie that strayed so far from its literary counterpart that all that remains is the title and the main character and that this is the second time that this series of movies has done so? Sounds like a movie to avoid, right? Wrong. It seems illogical that a movie that strays so far from the book could even approach mediocrity, but that is what “The Bourne Ultimatum” has done.
Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) used to be a highly trained government agent until he failed a mission and suffered from amnesia. The CIA came after him and the woman who helped him. Then after all that was resolved and he was living peacefully, he gets framed for murder and his girlfriend, Marie, is killed. Now, in “The Bourne Ultimatum,” Jason Bourne is going after the CIA to find out what happened to him. Meanwhile, Noah Vosen (David Stratharin) and Pam Landy (Joan Allen) are going after Bourne, but when Landy discovers that Vosen is going to kill Bourne, she tries to stop him.
Matt Damon continues to earn his place on my top list of actors (behind Christian Bale and Edward Norton). He has made this character his own and there is no way anyone else can play Bourne. Damon has said that this will be the last time he plans to play Bourne and hopefully, the two other Bourne books (not written by Robert Ludlum) will not be made into movies. Damon plays Bourne as he should be, a hero who has a conscience and knows when to kill and when there are other options. He is very calculating in every move he makes. Nothing he does is by accident; it is all part of a larger plan.
While this movie has absolutely nothing to do with the book, it is still awesome. They have been successful without sticking to the plot of the last two books because it is as exciting and riveting as the plots of the books. The books do get complicated and would be tough to tell in a two-hour movie and keep it coherent. The movies take the character in a different, but equally interesting and action packed direction. The one thing that the books have that I would have loved to have seen in the movie is the interplay between Jason Bourne and David Webb (Bourne’s real name). It would have made for some interesting scenes to see the killer fight internally with Webb.
I’m going to come right out and say it. Jason Bourne would kick James Bond’s ass in a fight. Jason can and will use anything and everything to fight off and kill those who attack him. In this movie he uses a book and a towel to fend off and kill an attacker. As well as the odd weapons this movie, like the other two, has some amazing chase scenes. Whether he is on foot, on a motorbike or in a cop car, Jason Bourne can out run anyone. The car chase in this movie, while not as good as the one in “The Bourne Identity”, is still worthy of the Bourne name. At one point he drives his car backwards off a parking structure onto a lower level crushing a bunch of cars and he still manages to escape without hurting himself much.
Bourne has, over the past three films, redefined the secret agent. He is always planning, always looking for a way out and willing to do anything to get what he wants. “The Bourne Ultimatum” is a worthy ending to the Bourne series and hopefully there will be no more. Bourne is one character I do not want to see dragged out in to endless sequels. While I love the movies and the character, it would taint what makes these movies special to make more Bourne movies with any other actor than Matt Damon.
8 out of 10
Rated PG-13 for violence and intense sequences of action.
1 hr 51 mins
Back in the 1980’s there was a show, like so many others back then, that was basically a half hour commercial for a toy. Now there is a movie that, from a cynical view, was made for the same reason. I never really watched the show until later on in life and have only recently watched the original cartoon movie. Still “Transformers” is still a part of my childhood because the merchandise was everywhere when I was growing up. So it was inevitable that there would, one day, be a live action movie and I would see it.
When a military base is attacked by a helicopter that transformed into something more and went after military information, Defense Secretary John Keller (Jon Voight) and the entire defense department begins desperately to find out what attacked them and what it wanted.
Meanwhile, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBouf) is desperate for a car. When he reaches his father's terms ($4000 and 3 A’s) he takes Sam to a used car lot to get a car where he picks an old, beat up, Camero. One night he finds out that, when it comes to his car, there is “more than meets the eye.” His car is, in reality, a cybernetic alien named Bumblebee that can take the form of whatever it chooses and he has just summoned more of his kind to come to Earth.
When they arrive their leader Optimus Prime (voiced by Peter Cullen), who takes the form of a semi truck, tells Sam that many years ago on a planet called Cybertron, a war raged between the Autobots and the Decepticons for control of the All Spark, a device used to make life on their planet. The Autobots wanted to use it for good, but Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons wanted to use it to make an army to take over the universe. During the battle the All Spark was lost and it ended up on Earth. Now the Decepticons are on Earth to find the All Spark as well as Megatron who was lost on Earth while searching for the All Spark. Sam and Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) agree to help Optimus and the rest of the Autobots get to the All Spark before Megatron can.
It really doesn’t take much to watch “Transformers.” It is one of those summer movies that you can sit back and enjoy. You can tell who the good robots are because they are the ones that are not attacking the humans. It is that simple. Other than that, it is just a matter of enjoying the special effects.
Shia LaBouf is really good in this movie. He handles the action as well as the comedic dialogue with ease and proves why he is becoming the go-to guy in Hollywood. Sam wants a car so that he can get the girl, but when he finally does get the car, he becomes a bumbling mess. He is thrust into the middle of the war and shows his true worth and bravery when it counts.
The special effects in this movie are the true stars of this movie. Not once did I think, “That’s CG (computer generated), that’s not.” It was as good as if there were actual transforming robots in the movie. The way the Transformers looked was amazing and it added to the movie and was made it better.
The summer is a time when, as a student, you can give your brain a rest and not have to worry about learning all that you are forced to in school. As an avid movie fan, sitting in a dark, cold theater on a hot summer day is the best possible way to spend an afternoon. A movie like “Transformers” is one that is easy to just enjoy. The plot is simple and knowing who is who is not that hard. The special effects are amazing and are worth the price of admission.
8 out of 10
Rated PG-13
2 hrs 24 mins
